i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Boobs are out for the taking
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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