I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
