Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
