This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
