So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
