he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
