i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
