She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
