Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
