I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
