Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
