Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
