Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
