I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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