Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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