I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
