apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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