youre lurking in front of me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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