You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
