My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
