Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
