It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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