My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
