This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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