well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The air was thick with penises
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
