Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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