the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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