You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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