I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
