i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
PANTIES FOUND
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
