there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
