just tell him i said nine months
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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