I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
