youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can't special order awesome
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
