Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
