and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
