FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just gift wrapped bread.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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