And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
