there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
