And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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