so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
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