guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
