Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
