You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
