plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
