How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
