hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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