Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just googled if crying burns calories
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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