somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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