Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hippo gnu deer
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
